Dedication to Madilynn Noel Stroud: The Beach

I remember the only time I was able to bring you to the beach. We were at Pensacola, FL visiting your mom's Grandparents in October. You weren't a year old yet. I was sitting in the sand with you in my lap. You were cautious at first, feeling around, taking everything in for the first time.  You would grab handfuls of sand and squish and dig. Occasionally putting your hand to your mouth to taste it before I quickly put your hand back down saying, "No silly"


I wanted to bring you to Destin, Florida with Pawpaw, Nanny, Cody and some more family like your Aunt Joy and Cousin Caleb. I wanted you to experience the beautiful beach I know you would have loved it. I asked your mother just after your second birthday to make sure I gave advance notice so I can chase you up and down the beach and watch you play while the waves would come crashing at your little feet. I can hear the pitter-patter of you running. Even Imagining the laughter as you run away for me to catch you brings a smile to my face. We would have built our first sand castle together, and probably destroyed it right after. I wish we could have experienced this together, I know you would have had a blast.

We didn't get to go to many places together, but I was hoping I could have brought you to many places as you got older. I did get to bring you to the Zoo and the Park often as well as a few other places. You loved to just look around and appreciate everything that surrounded us. I know 95% of women, for some odd reason, love to travel. Adventurous as you were, I know you would have wanted to see as many places as possible. By the way, your Paw Paw Stroud wanted to bring you camping. As much as you liked playing in the backyard and collecting acorns and sticks, I know you were gonna LOVE camping.

We usually went in the backyard for a little while, then when it was time to come inside you were still so full of energy. You would climb on my back and make me walk on all fours like a dinosaur. Then you would say "No! Yous a Lion!!!" I would reply, "OK baby, I'm a Lion, ROOARR" You would just laugh and giggle as I went in circles on the carpet. Then I'd get tired and crash to the ground. You would get up giggling, climb on my chest, then say "I jump on you" and start bouncing away. You were always my little ball of energy before you suddenly get tired and watch cartoons with your bottle in hand and fall asleep. We had such a great time playing together and I looked forward to every second of it. I am so grateful to have you in my heart. Just wish I can go back in time and relive it over and over again.

I miss our cuddle time so much

Love you my lil butt.

Dedication to Madilynn Noel Stroud - watching cartoons with daddy

We would watch your shows when I was trying to wind you down to sleep or if we were just waking up and relaxing. I would put you sitting on the couch and after I turn on the TV and Netflix. All I had to do was ask, "what do you wanna watch baby?" You would tell me one of the following...

"George" - You loved Curious George and we would watch this most often. No matter how many times you saw the episode, you still laughed hysterically at the same parts and get so excited at the same times.

"Lion Cub" - I think this was both of our favorite Disney movies and I had no problems putting this on for you and singing every song out loud to you. You would always look at me smiling, sometimes joining in and singing along. Other times, saying "NOOOOO, stop it Daddy!!" Not going to lie, my singing voice wasn't the greatest.

"Super Why" You would focus so much on this show and I loved that you participated everytime they asked. You wouldn't always give the right answers, but I thought it was cute that you would try to use your "Power to help" and would congratulate you with "Good Job Baby" or "That's Right!" and you would just laugh and keep watching.

"Dora" The Explorer - I never seen you watch this personally, but everytime you came back from MiMI's, you would always say "swiper, Noooooo swiping Swiper" and we would repeat it until you changed the subject to something else silly filled in your little head.

"Tiger"  Daniel Tiger
"Callou"  Caillou, you could almost say it perfectly, such a smart little girl.

"Mickey" - You loved minnie mouse, PawPaw Stroud got you a Minnie Mouse toy you could dress her and drive her in the car, you played with that and many other toys all the time.

"Clifford" - I recently introduced you to the Big Red Dog and finally had a new show for you to obsess over. I'm sorry but George broke to many things and got away with it. Hate to say it but so did Clifford, maybe that's why you could destroy my house I just cleaned in less than five minutes. I didn't mind cleaning it though because it made you happy, and gave me happiness knowing that.

"Barney" - This phase only lasted a little while, Thankfully you discovered George soon after.

"Big Bird" - You didn't watch it much, but loved watching Sesame Street

Dinosaur Train - You would say "I'm a monster, ROOOOAAAARRR!"

You had so many more shows you loved to watch, but when you got bored, you would go get all your colors and a coloring book and bring it into the living room. You would say "Come sit with me Daddy. Color with me!" as you dumped out all the colors and opened up the pages to your book. Handing em different crayons, you would say, "here daddy, you use 'dis one" lying on your little tummy, legs crossed, feet in the air, not a care in the world. It's exactly what I wanted your life to be. Care free. I was trying to do everything in my power to keep it that way. I wish you would still be with me. I miss you every single day.

Dedication to Madilynn Noel Stroud - Holidays

First Easter. 1 month old.

She kept passing up all the eggs.

Grabbing the "Biggerest Egg" winning!

Dying eggs

They were almost inseperable

I was only able to experience one Easter with you. but got alot of great pictures, and stories from your second one. OK well I take that back, Your first Easter you were newborn and had no idea what was going on, but your second Easter where you were one, I remember you kept trying to drink the Easter egg dye, it was all over your face and clothes. You pretty much dyed your hand bluish green from dipping it so many times. We tried to do the Easter egg hunt but you just walked around aimlessly, then randomly started walking away as fast as possible down the sidewalk. It's like you were on a mission but I had no idea where you were going. You kept giggling as you'd run away faster and faster, it was so funny. I had to go to San Antonio for work for your third Easter when you were two, but I'm so happy MiMi and your Nanny Charlotte and Kylie got to spend it with you. Y'all got to dye eggs, do the Easter egg one. Both you and Cody ran out the gate so excited to grab the eggs! I wish I could have been there in person to see it. I'm so happy you had a great day


I remember how often your mom would try to take you for all the holidays when we separated. I offered to switch days but didn't wanna lose my time with you for special holidays, especially Halloween and Christmas. We both wanted to see you trick or treat and get all the candy from the neighborhood. We both had our own ideas for Halloween costumes when you were two. At least we were able to bring you trick or treating with Cody for your first Halloween. You were still too young for the candy, but I know you had a good time. Once we were done walking around trick or treating we would go inside, dump all your candy in front of you, and you would just touch every single one. I remember you would try to stick each one in your mouth one at a time and we would have to say "No not yet baby", when actually the first Halloween you were trick or treating to get Daddy some candy ;) You were a CareBear (LionHeart) and Cody was Scooby Doo.



For your second Halloween I bought you a Lady Bug Halloween costume, we walked around at the pumpkin patch in Lafayette and you had the silliest blank stare the whole time. I guess you were just taking everything in, but you had a great time and were eating all your suckers. I didn't really get to trick or treat with you much since your mother had you that day, and when I let her have you on Halloween she refused to switch with me so I could have you a day in return. I got off work and had your costume in my truck. Drove to your moms where you were and we changed you, then I went walk around her neighborhood a couple times and let you run around on your own and picked you up when you got tired. There were alot of kids all over the place, alot of people aww'd at you like they always did everytime we went somewhere. I kept the candy and brought it home so you can snack on a piece or two (We actually shared the candy this time sweety haha)

This was during the stupid lawyer battles and I hated going through all that crap, I just wanted us to compromise and be able to give you a happy life. I'm so happy you weren't aware of what was going on. I did my best to be a duck on top the water without you seeing how hard I was swimming underneath the water to keep us afloat and happy. I wanted to sacrifice my whole life for you. The struggle I was going through was out of my control. I was learning patience, but I wasn't going to just give up and lose you, I wanted just as much time with you as your mom did. I wanted to make sure you had everything you needed to be happy.

Christmas was also interesting, we always had to figure out how we would manage bringing you to see all of your Grandparents and Great Grandparents and this usually consisted of a week long extravaganza. Christmas Eve was either at your Mi Mi's with Nanny Charlotte and Cody, Kylie, and Pops Turner, or In Houma with your Grammy and Pop DeHart. Christmas Day we usually visited PawPaw Stroud and that goofy family. Santa scared you the first time you sat in Santa Stroud's lap, but the second time both You and Cody sat with Santa Stroud and you weren't that scared. you were searching for Gold the whole time with your finger up your nose, I kept moving your hand away but you kept putting it right back to the same spot haha. There would be SO MANY gifts showered  upon you from both sides because everyone loved you so much. You would color or play on the pool table with Cody and we went sit in your cousin Jake's boat. You got to see your cousin Lucy, Jaycee, Dyani, Jacki, Cody, Landon, and Tyler. You all got a chance to talk to Santa and take pictures with him. After the day was over and I had to bring the truckloads of gifts back home, you would want me to open up each new toy, play with it for about 40 minutes then bring me the next one to open up. Eventually you had a room FULL of toys. Everyone wanted to see you happy and playful. I got you plenty of coloring books so you wouldn't color all over the walls and random papers that you would find all the time. It was a very hard time during Christmas, but I did what I could to get you stuff I knew you would like. I just wish I could have gotten you more. I know its not what matters and I am so happy I got to spend the time with you, I just hate that I couldn't get you more. The holidays will be hard, but you will never be too far from my mind and heart baby. I just want to experience so much more with you.

Dedication to Madilynn Noel Stroud - Birthdays

Holidays and Birthdays were always a struggle for me and your mom. We both loved you so much and wanted to experience those special moments with you up to every minute. Your first birthday was held at my house. I invited alot of our family and friends and got to watch you smash your first cake. It was a Minnie Mouse theme. There were chips n dip, chili dogs, and the smash cake as you sat in front of it wondering why we were all watching you. First, you dipped your left hand on the icing then shoved it into your mouth. Aunt Moni (My godmother) was trying to feed it as you moved your head away and continued to feed yourself. Aunt Joy quietly stole pieces of the cake eating along with you. Your Nanny Charlotte started cheering you on to "Get it" as Cody was asking for cake in the background. As your squishing your hand and looking around, Paw Paw Stroud chimes in "You sure smile alot" and of course, that silly little smile shines out from your face. Aunt Moni sneaks by and puts your right hand in the cake and everyone says "Yaaaaaaaaaaaay" and you look up laughing again. You made a huge mess everywhere and while we were cleaning you off, Your silly Aunt Joy was eating the scraps from the smashed cake saying "Oh my God, this is so good Matt!"  You had such a wonderful day, but I can't recall you ever having a bad day. You were always so happy.

Your second birthday was held at Kart Ranch. I personally made yellow hats with cups and plates and put the party favors inside the cups. I made Curious George the theme because we watched that silly cartoon almost every night. You had many different shows you loved but we will get to that later.  When I was searching for your cake, I had to get a Winnie the Pooh cake, but make it Curious George instead.  Your smile was so big when yous aw it and the whole day Cody was right by your side. Opening gifts, eating cake and pizza, and playing in the play area.  I remember you kept dipping your sucker in the sprite then tasting it as Mee Mee directed traffic and handed out pizza for everyone.  You would go in and out of every play area, even for the big kids, you would try to climb all by yourself. If you got stuck, you would say, "Daddy help me" but not to get down because you were scared, but only to go higher. I think the Ball pit with the little slide was your favorite as you would slide down then the balls would just engulf your little body and you'd laugh out loud, squirming to climb out and do it all over again.  Pops Turner wanted to bring you in the Go Karts but I wasn't ready for you to be in there just yet. I think you wouldn't have minded either way. I was so happy to give you such a special day. You played every ounce of energy out of your sweet little body, and when it was time to go home, you were already falling asleep in my arms as i put you in the truck.  You would always play that hard and it gave me a chance to watch you sleep peacefully. I hated waking you up and loved the way you would wake up naturally. You would never wake up crying, just shuffling around or playing with the dolls in your crib, then calling out "Daddy!" repeatedly until I walked into the room to get you. When I got there, You'd always say "Hi Daddy!" with a delightful smile. The greatest start of my day every time because it felt like you were so surprised to see me each time.

sitting right next to your partner in crime

Daddy's attempt in making your party perfect for you!

 

The look of success!

Satisfaction in the form of exhaustion

I wish I could have given you so many more new adventures for so many more birthdays. It's frustrating that this is real life.

Dedication to Madilynn Noel Stroud - Raising a bundle of joy.

5-14-2014, two days away from the last time seeing you in person.

After long days at work, I would fix your supper, bathe you, watch you have so much fun. I hated waking you up so early to go to work, but I made many sacrifices for you. It was comforting knowing you would go right back to sleep. (That was the main reason I pushed for a 7 on 7 off schedule; to let you rest and awake when ready, but I hated to be forced to bring you to daycare and away from me. I waited to go pick you up again.)

Getting frozen yogurt, You loved it.

Anyway, I got off track. After the nightly routine was done and we got our play time out of the way, you would pat the sofa and say, "Come sit daddy!" and ask me to put on George or Lion King.  I was more than happy to, as you laid right next to me and let me hold you 'til you so often fell asleep. So easy to cuddle with, so much love to give. The funny thing is, it's like you knew that is what I needed. Even though you shared so much love, you still saved most of it for me because you needed it just as much as I did. I used to whisper "I love you sweety," as I would pick you up to bring you to your crib. Kissing your forehead and rubbing your back, I still remember the first time you whispered back, "I love you too daddy." I froze in disbelief. You were so young I couldn't believe you understood what that meant, much less how to share those words with someone else. My heart melted instantly as I honored that experience with you. I just wish I could experience so much more from you, I don't want you to go...

I never passed up the chance to have you in my arms. I treasured the times we shared together, I never wanted to lose that and was willing to risk it all for you. I loved letting you wake up on your own. Hearing you call out for me as you waited for me to get you. I would fix your breakfast, change your diaper, and put on morning cartoons. Even changing your diapers didn't seem that bad as you learned the routine, eventually telling me to change your booooty. ( you made my life so easy) or making it a game by rolling away or always moving and constantly laughing. I couldn't get mad and couldn't help but laugh myself. Because your silly smile and laughter always lit me up with happiness.

First day back from San Antonio and having her in my arms!

I would cook for you if I wasn't too tired. You learned how to use a fork or spoon so fast (You were so independent, so brave, so entertaining.  You were supposed to be something great. I just know it, and now you're just a memory...and I hate that.) I would bring you to get donut holes, as I would get 3 jalapeno cheese kolaches every Sunday that I had you. It was one of our little traditions. (That I still find myself doing). You would get all sticky eating them and couldn't wait. Everytime you finished one, you would reach your tiny hand to me and say "Nudder One" and I would reply "OK baby, here you go." Grabbing it, you would sweetly reply "Thank You" as you munched down another. Never a picky eater. You were my little garbage disposal haha.

Feeding herself like a big girl

I will write about your birthday parties and Christmas real soon baby. I Love and Miss You so much. Hope your having fun playing while you're smiling down at me.

Dedication to Madilynn Noel Stroud - Early adventures

I wanted to let you experience so many things, but one of our favorite places to go was the park. You loved walking around, and making me an exhausted daddy. You would take a nap on the ride to Girard Park, once we got out the truck you were on the go non stop and I was chasing you down and holding your hand while you climb over the steps or tree stumps near the pond. Some times I would bring our old bread and hand pieces to you to throw to the ducks. The first time you ever went to the park with me, I remember how you would grab the pieces of bread from me and continuously just kept eating them. I kept laughing and saying, "No baby thats for the duckies" You would simply respond.... "Duckies??" Eventually, you would become a skilled walker/runner. The ducks definitely didn't appreciate your new talent as they would often run for their life until you got them to jump into the pond a safe distance from you. Duck after duck, you would run at them screaming and laughing. I think you loved seeing the wings spread and flap in the air but your goofy laughter always brought a smile to my face. I just watched, made sure you didn't get too close and didn't fall in, then would just shake my head at your sillyness. When you started learning to say sentences, you would always tell all the animals at the park that you love them.

14 months in this pic at Girard Park

"I love you duckies"
"I love you skwerwell"
"Daddy, a puppy!!, I love you puppy!"
"AAAH a bug!......I love you bug"
You never failed to spread your love to everything you saw.

 I would load the wagon in back of my truck, and when I did that, you knew where we were going and would just wait by the front door as I finished getting the rest of our stuff, Water, snacks, etc.You loved when I pulled you in the wagon, then when you would see a puppy or ducks, you would want to get out the wagon and waddle your lil butt as fast as possible to them. So silly, smiling and laughing away, and looking back to make sure I'm watching. When you got tired, I'd pick you up and when you didn't wanna get down, you'd always cling to my hip like a baby monkey. You were never afraid to hug new people everywhere we'd go. I loved that about you and felt so grateful to have such a loving inspiration in my life. We went to Avery Island together one time as well and you saw the alligators or like you said "AGILATORS" and loved running in the open fields. You had that blank stare face when you would take in your surroundings and new experiences as if you were in awe by what you were seeing. It was a beautiful day and I'm glad I was with you to experience it.

napping on car rides like usual.

I enjoyed being your own translator, as I understood your own little language. You made it so easy to take care of you, rarely crying or throwing a tantrum, telling me you were hungry "lunch" "bite" "snack" or thirsty "juice" "Baboo/Bottle" "milk". But I love how the first word you spoke was "Daddy" and you took your first six steps to me at about 10 months. I was sitting at the kitchen table. You awkwardly stood up and stumbled your way towards me, one step at a time!! I was so excited, delighted, and it made your mommy so jealous, but she has experienced firsts of her own with you.

We had a special bond, you and me. I will always cherish that and never live that down.

days after this pic was taken, she would start walking

March 16, I think I will make that Random Compliment day. and Go up to atleast 10 people I don't know. and randomly give them a compliment in honor of you Madi. I think this is the best way I can continue to spread the love you have for EVERYTHING that was alive. That is what made you so beautiful little girl.

Dedication to Madilynn Noel Stroud - A little water bug

Daddy's Ninja Mask

          So many friends and relatives couldn't wait to meet you. I was so gentle, I didn't want to break you. Every time I held you, I couldn't stop looking into your eyes, your little lips, button nose, I loved and thanked God for everything about you. Couldn't wait to share you with the world. Because you were my world. 
         
           You cracked me up when I held you, and you would blow bubbles in my arms, or I make you laugh doing the silliest things. Your smiles and laugh were so contagious. Anyone near you would quickly smile with glee. I tried my hardest to avoid changing your poopy diapers. The very first time, I heaved like a sick cat, trying to finish as fast as possible so I could actually Breath again. Every time after that it would get easier, but I used my "Ninja Mask" and put my shirt over my face. At least in my mind it help me fight your powerful diaper duty aroma.

         

               If there was anything you loved to do, it would be to play in water. Ever since you were just a day old and we bathed you in the kitchen near the sink. I was nervous for two reasons.
1., I didn't want to hurt you.
2., I was expecting you to poop in the sink because of the warmth of the water.
(I am proud to say that you have never pooped in the bathtub, good job sweety haha)
You used to kick and splash all over the tub, constantly. Smile and laugh while you do it. You were

not afraid of the water at all. sometimes you would even lay backwards and almost let the water touch the tip of your nose before you came back up. You were a brave, goofy, but brave little girl. When at Meemee's you would always run outside to the dogs water bowl, it didn't matter if you had fresh new clothes on, a bathing suit, or nothing at all. As soon as your Meemee would turn around, you would run as fast as you can, giggling your lil butt off, and get soakin' wet all over again. When your cousin Cody would be there to play with you, every time y'all would go sit in Meemee's big tub and take a bubble bath together (one picture we forgot to capture :/ ) Each having your own cup and pouring the water over your heads. It was so great seeing y'all play like brother and sister. I would let you play with all of your toys in the tub on regular nights, we would spell the alphabet, you would play with Mr. Frog as he spit out water at you, and if you felt like I wasn't playing with you enough, You would either say PLAY WITH ME DADDY! or start pouring water out of the tub and mischievously laughing. When it was time to go to bed, I'd have your pajamas, diaper, and wipes waiting in the living room. You would always fight to run off and make me play chase with your towel flapping like a cap as its hooded over your head. I had so much fun laughing with you, even on the most exhausting days, I saved enough energy so that we could play.

trying to catch the bubbles while in our deluxe pool

Lovin' her some bath time

                  

Laughing and screaming as I say "Im gonna getcha, Im almost there!!"

First and Only time Madi got to experience the beach. The water was too cold but we let it hit her feet. She loved the way the sand felt, squishing it in her toes and fingers, rubbing it, then obviously trying to put handfuls in her mouth to taste it. Daddy wasn't having that. I wanted to bring her to Destin, FL this summer so she could actually run around and play with her Cousins Cody and Lucy.

               I loved spending as much time as possible, playing, dressing, feeding, bathing, singing, reading, coloring. Anything you wanted or needed, you were my number one. Your mom and I were both very protective, creating some unnecessary conflict, but we both wanted the best for our girl, and both tried to do what we thought was right. For the most part we didn't want you to see, the pain that was ripping your parents apart. I promise you little girl, I wanted everything in my power to give you the best life possible. I was trying to do that and had so much prepared for you. But you left me before I could make that a reality.

Dedication to Madilynn Noel Stroud - We Fought to meet you

5-12-14 The Morning after the longest day of my life.

         Madilynn, I want to hold you, sing to you, rock you to sleep, watch cartoons while we cuddle, I miss all of our time together and so afraid to say goodbye. I don't want to see you go and just want to be there for you forever. But before goodbye was even a forced possibility, the anticipation to say hello for the first time is still fresh in my mind.

From the first day I saw you in your momma's belly, and the first sound of that swisha swoosha swisha of your sweet little heart beat of the first ultrasound, tears filled my eyes and a smile would not leave my face. I fell deeply in love, instantly, and couldn't wait to share the news about you. It was so exciting to see and hear for the very first time. I can still hear it distinctively from this day. It wasn't much longer that we learned that you were gonna be a little girl.

Nurse: Her legs are so close together I could barely tell
Me: And She better keep them that way too!
[Nurse and your mommy burst into laughter, protective daddy already begins]

         There were some slight scares throughout the pregnancy, mostly with "spotting" and a lot of bed rest. I was constantly trying to take care of the house, do yard work outside, cook when I could, lift all the heavy things, constantly remind your mom to go sit down or lay down so the swelling wouldn't get too bad so I could actually meet and hold you in person. I was so scared that I was gonna lose you.  This started 4-5 months into the pregnancy, some days were very frustrating and just felt like I was just being taken advantage of. I tried to just ignore it and was determined to meet you.

          I remember we had to go to some class at the hospital to prepare for your birth. They played some nasty graphic video of  childbirth. I'm sorry but there is nothing "Beautiful" of what takes place and I refused to actually see you coming out. Yes it is an experience, but that is one sight I didn't want to see ;).  A couple weeks later, we were celebrating our anniversary and went to Paragon Casino. I remembered how bored I was for my bachelor party the first time me and my close friends went and how we actually had a better time at the cabins we were staying at. (I never really was big on partying anyway, all that stuff is over rated baby, you didn't miss much) Your mom heard that her clients always had a good time there and she knew I liked casinos, she was also still on bed rest and couldn't do many things without having to be cautious about swelling and her blood pressure spiking. We had to be extra careful to be sure you would come to us as healthy as possible. It's like I said, from day one, we fought to make your happiness a reality.

         By the end of the weekend, your mother's swelling got worse. We drove back home, I was a nervous wreck that whole night and went into work the next morning while your mom went see her doctor and got the news that we needed to prepare for your arrival. This was about a week or two early from the expected due date. Your mom called me and gave me the news. I started pacing all over the room back and forth and finding ways to be busy, trying to keep everything on the outside together, while on the inside I was trying to figure out when I should ask to leave. Will you be OK? I hope you are healthy. What will you look like? I can't wait to meet you! My boss and co-workers could see the frantic excitement I was carrying inside me, and my boss gave me permission to leave early so I could be with your mom as she went to her room to get prepared for your arrival.

As I arrived at the hospital, I was stuck counting down the minutes, kind of like I am now, but instead of waiting to say goodbye, I couldn't wait to say hello. As the hours went by and the lack of sleep continued to grow. I watched your mom in pain, as you stubbornly but slowly began to make your way into the world. I didn't want a big crowd in the room as we waited for your arrival. I Stepped out of the room for the epidural and things went a lot faster after that. The contractions became stronger, and everything we watched in the video was basically happening one step at a time. I slept maybe one hour that night but the adrenaline had me wide awake. Finally the nurse checked her levels and went get the doctor, when the doctor came in, she said it's time to start pushing! This was so exciting to me, the only way i knew how to coach was from sports, so I did the best I could.

Feet just like her daddy

Me: Push, Push, Push, Push.....now breath
[I said this over and over.]
Doctor: You're doing great Jenny don't stop
Me: You can scream if you need to when you push
Your mommy: starts screaming as she pushes
Doctor: Yea please don't...
Me: laughing quietly to  myself then saying "Push Push Push, now breath"

As if we were in a weight room and I am spotting her as she is doing bench presses. The atmosphere seemed fitting. I made the mistake of saying "Now Relax." as you were almost with us, Annoyed and in pain, your mom looks at me and says, "RELAX?!?!?" I busted out laughing this time as my awkwardness made its way out of my lips and when I looked at the Doctor, even she cracked a smile, probably thinking "What a goober". After a quick snip to give more room, You came flying out and the doctor catches you. As you made your way Into this world, and the nurse cleared your lungs, I heard the most beautiful yell, ringing out for the whole hallway to hear. It was like a little pterodactyl scream and I couldn't have been happier fighting back my tears of joy. Nose flaring, lip quivering, I was the first to hold you and look into your beautiful innocent eyes. Something I will never forget. As I look down at you, tears start to roll down my cheek. You look back at me wondering who I was. The nurse laid you on the cleaning table and I held your little hand and put an oxygen mask to your face to help you breath. I was a bit nervous, but they said you were OK, healthy, and the happiness was just beginning for you.

Love at first sight!

The story is about to begin...

      Coming from a divorced family, I've learned a lot from both of my parents. Often, a person will react either two ways. During a childhood experience, a person will learn and reciprocate the experience and apply it to his/her future or that person will learn to do the opposite of the experience depending on how it has affected the outcome of the person's life.

"For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction." - Sir Isaac Newton, Third Law of Motion

Even though this law is for that of physical science, in my experience, theoretically you can apply this law to psychology as well. You will be involved in situations in your life, where you either react negatively or positively from it, and there will be other factors that are affected from this effect either as a benefit or a loss. The unique thing about our lives individually is that we can control whether or not we have a positive or negative impact on our lives. Ultimately, something will be learned from each experience in your life and that is why we are here to Learn, everything, all the time. It is a lesson and the capacity of our brain is endless.

Top: Myself, Mom, Older Sister
Bottom: Younger sister, Step father

Mom, Dad, If you read this, I know you were very young when you had both my sister and I, and you had many things you were learning on the road of life for yourselves. One thing you accomplished that I have not is seeing your children grow up to be educated, goal oriented, hardworking individuals. That is something to be proud of and I love and am appreciative for helping us get to where we are now. Without y'all and my stepfather, none of what I have accomplished would have been possible.

My Dad, Marques Colston, Myself

What I have learned growing up as a kid, is how ugly divorce is. How much pain it puts on everyone affected by it no matter what age. There will be sadness, pain, confusion, etc. Sometimes, the reactions are vented involuntarily to other parties; family, friends, but most of all children. The love from your child does not compare to the love from your spouse. In a child's eyes, the love for a parent is the world to them. When the child sees the parent hurting, the child hurts with them, same with every other emotion that the parent may experience. (This is my personal observation from being both a parent and child in a situation of Divorce).

In both scenarios it was also decided it was best for the child(ren). What I promised myself and Madilynn even before I was married, before I had a child, is that I would never get a divorce, I don't believe in it. I also made a promise to myself that I would love my daughter endlessly, so she would never feel a void from me and could always trust that her daddy was gonna be there for her. I did the best that I could and still hold true to that belief, but sometimes life has other plans that are out of my control. The only thing I can do is sit here and wonder where do I go from here, how do I adapt from this. I don't have all the answers, might not ever have them, but I can't give up.

Dedication to Madilynn Noel Stroud - Prologue

        Starting today, and one time for every following week, I will express a dedication to a love so beautiful, so profound, and an angel so sweet and loving who loved to laugh and play, that I can not fathom why God would want to take it from me so soon and not allow me to watch it flourish before my eyes as the years grow older. Madilynn Noel Stroud was only two years, one month, and 25 days when she left my life to experience the divinity of Heaven (Yes I know she is there, and that gives me peace, even though I miss her constantly). It was the longest day of my life as time seemed to have stopped and then move slowly. then the week began to drag out even longer. I try to write as many memories as possible of the times we had together, and I am happy that I was able to experience every bit of that time with Madi, I just wish I could have had more. She was the only person I have ever had touch my heart to where she could make me laugh right after I have been crying, or after a long taxing day at work, when I would go pick her up, her wide open arms, huge smile, and sprint to me with a sparkle in her eyes, that would suddenly brighten my day. Ultimately my new lifelong goal is to master patience as this has been one of my greatest flaws. I hate that this is the way I have to master this challenge of life, but it is the only way I will get to love, kiss, and hug my sweet baby girl again for eternity in Heaven.

      Throughout the days of my intense mourning, constant questions, feelings of worthlessness, empty stomach and insufficient sleep, I also managed to write something that I felt that was sent straight from God. Please feel free to share this following message. I honestly believeHis message is to love unconditionally and forgive often. But learn from the past. The day before Madilynn's funeral I printed 150 of these papers. I still own the original but the message I am expressing is very powerful. The message comes directly from my heart and mind, and if I didn't believe it was true, I would not be sharing it with you right now.

       "If there is anything that Madi taught me, it is that God surrounds us in life. He is everywhere and in everything, constantly reminding us that He is there with us. What I never noticed or understood, until I had my baby girl, is that if you do not allow God into your HEART, then you are just going through the motions. You cannot experience unconditional love, you cannot truly forgive anyone or honestly understand anything if God is not allowed into your heart.

         You can go to church, surround yourself with Christian people, read the Bible over and over, and throw verses at people like rocks to try to break their spirit. If God is not in your heart,then you may never understand the lessons the Bible holds. A person can go through every motion possible, but if God is not allowed in your heart, 100%, then you will not appreciate your purpose in life and never understand or accept unconditional love for anything else. This world is so deep, and has more than just individual feelings or thoughts. Madi and I loved each other and I would sacrifice everything for her. She was my life, my world, my everything, now she's gone and left me with this message.

Share love for everyone, so God can fill your heart and not just surround your life. That is the only way you will truly appreciate anything."

I love you Madilynn Noel,
You were my one and only "lil butt"

Matt Stroud

Good people deserve Great Recognition

A Good friend of mine, Brent Hulin, Recently participated in a Charity Poker Event related to his profession. What was great about Hulin not only participating in this event, but actually Winning it and putting the winnings to great use.It is safe to say that not many of Brent's coworkers are aware of his hidden talent....well not really hidden for those who know him and play against him regularly....but in the real world where poker is just gambling and a game of chance, Brent's skills may have been a surprise to many.He shared this awesome news with me and I wanted to jump on the chance to interview him because what he did with his winnings from the tournament is what very few poker players would do and shows just how much of a class act guy he is!

Where was this tournament held? Anaheim Convention Center

Did the tournament have a name? Milestone Aviation Group 2^nd Annual Poker Tournament                       

Was there a buyin or was it sponsored? Sponsored by Milestone Aviation Group. There was a field of 90 entrants in the helicopter, leasing and aviation world in attendance. Final table spots won prizes from charitable donations to a $20K watch (first place).                        

Is this a yearly event? Or just a one time thing, sounds like a great way to meet fellow colleagues in your field. This was the 2^nd Annual Tournament.

It’s an event that is held one evening during the Helicopter Association International https://www.rotor.com/

Upon entering the tournament was it a requirement to have charities to donate to? The winners were able to choose their charities after the tournament.

How long have you been playing poker and who would you say have been your biggest influence in learning the game? I started playing poker about 10 years ago. Texas Hold Em’ was very popular at the time. I joined some co-workers after work at a bar called Pete’s. They taught me about the game and I won a few bucks that night. I was hooked! I started playing in some online games and started playing house games and hosting cash games of my own. There were some nights I’d play till 6 in the morning at friends houses winning a few hundred bucks. I cashed 5^th place in 2009 in the United Way Poker Tournament for $1k. The buyins were split into charity / cash payouts. Due to my busy work and life schedule I hadn’t played poker in about 18 months. I just got back into the game in February. I followed my good friend Kevin Eyster while I took my hiatus. He has a special talent and never gave up on his dream. He is definitely an influence to me when I think about the psychology of the game.

What was the coolest thing you have won/received that has been involved with poker. My good friend Kevin Eyster and I played poker together for many years when I was in college. I signed a deck of cards for him once when I beat him up in a cash game. After he moved away and started playing in some big name tournaments he stopped in town one night by my apartment to visit. He had the munchies and ate a box of Cheez-its Hot & Spicy. I told him when he wins a big tournament he better send me a signed box of Cheez-its and it better be the Hot & Spicy! A few months ago I received my signed box of Cheez-it Hot & Spicy after he won the WPT Seminole Hard Rock Showdown and cashed a cool $660K. I won’t be eating those anytime soon!

I hope you don't eat those Cheez-Its buddy. One that is priceless story, and two I can't guarantee the health risk you would be taking haha.


If you still don't know who Kevin Eyster is,here is a short clip of the WPT Seminole Event Mr. Hulin is referring to where Tony "Bond18" Dunst breaks down the great poker play of 1$ickDisea$E

Update: The original article is no longer available online, but here's what it said....I'll make his fame last forever ;)

March 31 -- St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital in Memphis and a local chapter of the Make-A-Wish Foundation are each receiving a $7,500 donation, thanks to Brent Hulin’s poker-playing skills in a charity tournament held at Heli-Expo.

Brent, who works in global aircraft sales and acquisitions in New Iberia, took second place in the event, which was sponsored by aircraft lessor Milestone Aviation Group. Approximately 90 people entered the tournament.

“I started playing poker for fun about 10 years ago and mostly play home games but I have done well in tournaments before,” Brent says. “So you could say I have some poker skills but there is always luck involved.”

Special significance
Brent’s choices of St. Jude and Make-A-Wish are not random selections, as both organizations had a major impact on his life while he was battling leukemia when he was 15 years old.

“I was being treated at Tulane University in New Orleans and was having a difficult time with the chemotherapy treatments,” Brent says. “They consulted with St. Jude to change up the treatments and it helped but it was still a tough year.”

The Make-A-Wish Foundation offered Brent a wish and the avid football fan made the most of it, choosing to attend the Super Bowl in San Diego in January 2003 (Tampa Bay 48, Oakland 21). His only regret is that his favorite team, the New Orleans Saints, wasn’t playing.

Now 29, Brent is in full remission. “It was almost half my life ago but I am glad to be able to make these donations and thanks to Milestone for putting on the tournament.” 

caption: Bristow’s Brent Hulin (right) won second place at Milestone Aviation Group’s poker tournament at Heli-Expo and $15,000 in charitable donations.

Posted 31-Mar-2014 17:49:14 CDT

F@*& Cancer! And Everything about it.

Recently I have learned that some people close to me have either just found out about having some type of cancer, or have been battling it for a while now. This is crap, just the fact that I don't understand it, like many. The only way to cure it is to basically put your body through pain and stress known as Chemotherapy and actually pay doctors and hospitals for this unusual form of torture. I guess my aggravation with the whole matter is that I just don't want to believe that this is the only way to kill it. One day as I was actually thinking about this. There was an article that came up in my facebook news feed how a group of Students at Stanford University actually came up with an alternative way and have been researching this. You can actually read this article HERE if you are wondering what I read. 

I'll be honest, I don't know much about Cancer, how its formed, and what it takes to get rid of it.  I do know that it is my astrological sign, (which is totally irrelevant to this blog) and that I hate it and everything about it. I also know that in order to get through it, You must stay positive and be optimistic, and the larger of a support group you have, the better, but above all, you cannot let the cancer defeat your spirit. If anything, getting through this will make you a stronger person and more influential to others that are close to you in your life.

The first I would like to talk about is a beautiful baby girl who has been battling a cancerous tumor by her face and neck since August 2013 at 19 months. She has had a very great spirit and she is also very loveable. I think what is even better about this story is the huge following she has gained and support system that has grown thanks to the extreme unselfish love provided by her Nanny Jennifer and Uncle Ryan Romero. They have been there every step of the way and Jennifer has literally been by her side to care for lil Aubrie. Recently there was an awesome benefit to help raise money with multiple bands, silent auctions, great food, just an awesome celebration that I unfortunately had to miss because It fell on my work week, but from what I heard the turnout was amazing.
You Can learn more about Aubrie and her battle at the website http://www.prayers4aubrie.com/


I just recently learned that my wonderful Aunt Holly was also diagnosed with breast cancer. I was actually in shock when I heard this and it still feels unreal to me. But I am confident that she can defeat this because she is a very strong woman and every single memory I have of my aunt she always has the Greatest smile on her face. She recently retired from Teaching after 30 years of putting up with bratty children, I don't blame her haha. But to be honest, I've never heard one complaint and everyone who she taught loved her. I just want her to know that even though this battle has just began for you, There will be many people around to love you, Especially your children Tim and Shelly, your silly grand babies, and of course your loving, goofy husband Uncle Glenn. Oh by the way, sorry but I had to put an embarrassing picture of you as well ;) love you!


Finally, a good poker buddy and friend of mine, Francis Nguyen, recently learned that his mother was also diagnosed with cancer. I don't know much details about this, but I know that all things are possible if you pray, stay optimistic, and believe that nothing is impossible and that you will prove it by getting through it! If there is anyone else out there that I may have left out I just want you to be strong and believe that things can only look better! If you ever need to talk, or a little extra support, I'm here for you.