Dedication to Madilynn Noel Stroud - We Fought to meet you

5-12-14 The Morning after the longest day of my life.

         Madilynn, I want to hold you, sing to you, rock you to sleep, watch cartoons while we cuddle, I miss all of our time together and so afraid to say goodbye. I don't want to see you go and just want to be there for you forever. But before goodbye was even a forced possibility, the anticipation to say hello for the first time is still fresh in my mind.

From the first day I saw you in your momma's belly, and the first sound of that swisha swoosha swisha of your sweet little heart beat of the first ultrasound, tears filled my eyes and a smile would not leave my face. I fell deeply in love, instantly, and couldn't wait to share the news about you. It was so exciting to see and hear for the very first time. I can still hear it distinctively from this day. It wasn't much longer that we learned that you were gonna be a little girl.

Nurse: Her legs are so close together I could barely tell
Me: And She better keep them that way too!
[Nurse and your mommy burst into laughter, protective daddy already begins]

         There were some slight scares throughout the pregnancy, mostly with "spotting" and a lot of bed rest. I was constantly trying to take care of the house, do yard work outside, cook when I could, lift all the heavy things, constantly remind your mom to go sit down or lay down so the swelling wouldn't get too bad so I could actually meet and hold you in person. I was so scared that I was gonna lose you.  This started 4-5 months into the pregnancy, some days were very frustrating and just felt like I was just being taken advantage of. I tried to just ignore it and was determined to meet you.

          I remember we had to go to some class at the hospital to prepare for your birth. They played some nasty graphic video of  childbirth. I'm sorry but there is nothing "Beautiful" of what takes place and I refused to actually see you coming out. Yes it is an experience, but that is one sight I didn't want to see ;).  A couple weeks later, we were celebrating our anniversary and went to Paragon Casino. I remembered how bored I was for my bachelor party the first time me and my close friends went and how we actually had a better time at the cabins we were staying at. (I never really was big on partying anyway, all that stuff is over rated baby, you didn't miss much) Your mom heard that her clients always had a good time there and she knew I liked casinos, she was also still on bed rest and couldn't do many things without having to be cautious about swelling and her blood pressure spiking. We had to be extra careful to be sure you would come to us as healthy as possible. It's like I said, from day one, we fought to make your happiness a reality.

         By the end of the weekend, your mother's swelling got worse. We drove back home, I was a nervous wreck that whole night and went into work the next morning while your mom went see her doctor and got the news that we needed to prepare for your arrival. This was about a week or two early from the expected due date. Your mom called me and gave me the news. I started pacing all over the room back and forth and finding ways to be busy, trying to keep everything on the outside together, while on the inside I was trying to figure out when I should ask to leave. Will you be OK? I hope you are healthy. What will you look like? I can't wait to meet you! My boss and co-workers could see the frantic excitement I was carrying inside me, and my boss gave me permission to leave early so I could be with your mom as she went to her room to get prepared for your arrival.

As I arrived at the hospital, I was stuck counting down the minutes, kind of like I am now, but instead of waiting to say goodbye, I couldn't wait to say hello. As the hours went by and the lack of sleep continued to grow. I watched your mom in pain, as you stubbornly but slowly began to make your way into the world. I didn't want a big crowd in the room as we waited for your arrival. I Stepped out of the room for the epidural and things went a lot faster after that. The contractions became stronger, and everything we watched in the video was basically happening one step at a time. I slept maybe one hour that night but the adrenaline had me wide awake. Finally the nurse checked her levels and went get the doctor, when the doctor came in, she said it's time to start pushing! This was so exciting to me, the only way i knew how to coach was from sports, so I did the best I could.

Feet just like her daddy

Me: Push, Push, Push, Push.....now breath
[I said this over and over.]
Doctor: You're doing great Jenny don't stop
Me: You can scream if you need to when you push
Your mommy: starts screaming as she pushes
Doctor: Yea please don't...
Me: laughing quietly to  myself then saying "Push Push Push, now breath"

As if we were in a weight room and I am spotting her as she is doing bench presses. The atmosphere seemed fitting. I made the mistake of saying "Now Relax." as you were almost with us, Annoyed and in pain, your mom looks at me and says, "RELAX?!?!?" I busted out laughing this time as my awkwardness made its way out of my lips and when I looked at the Doctor, even she cracked a smile, probably thinking "What a goober". After a quick snip to give more room, You came flying out and the doctor catches you. As you made your way Into this world, and the nurse cleared your lungs, I heard the most beautiful yell, ringing out for the whole hallway to hear. It was like a little pterodactyl scream and I couldn't have been happier fighting back my tears of joy. Nose flaring, lip quivering, I was the first to hold you and look into your beautiful innocent eyes. Something I will never forget. As I look down at you, tears start to roll down my cheek. You look back at me wondering who I was. The nurse laid you on the cleaning table and I held your little hand and put an oxygen mask to your face to help you breath. I was a bit nervous, but they said you were OK, healthy, and the happiness was just beginning for you.

Love at first sight!