Perfecting the Poker Face.

Mastering the Poker Face doesn't happen overnight.

Since the Black Friday of poker hit, it seems all the online obsessed poker  players have tried their best to scratch their itch. That means many are beginning to invade casinos but are not accustomed to playing their opponents face to face at a poker table so they give off multiple tells while playing. I find this the perfect opportunity to share my methods of practicing the Perfect Poker Face that will never give off a tell.

Now I wouldn't practice this in public because you don't want to give away all of your secrets. But, I found the best way to practice your poker face is by not reacting to the most intimate moments your body experiences, better known as the orgasm. Yes the Orgasm, this makes your muscles through out your body spazz out so if you can master not showing a tell that you are having the most ultimate climax then you have mastered the poker face. You can ask me, how the hell did you determine this?? Well you know what,...... its not that important, anyway, back on the subject. Here are a few methods you can take in attempting to mastering this feat. If it doesn't happen the first....I'll say month....Do Not get discouraged because Mastering the Poker Face doesn't happen overnight.

"...Make the most boring face on the planet and stare into space."

The first thing I would suggest is practicing by yourself. No not like asking your friend to watch your face the whole time, that is just disturbing and awkward. NO NO what I mean is go into the bathroom or private room with a Lock on the door, Look in the mirror and start working on that poker face. When you feel it (you know that moment) Its game time. Try your hardest to not even wince, just keep the same facial expression you had when you started. Don't you smile, gasp, pant, roll your eyes, hell dont even move. If you do, then you have failed and will have to keep practicing.

Now the next method is practicing with a Partner. Again, don't call a friend and be like, hey I'm working on something with poker come over and give me a hand.....WHOA WHOA no don't do that, I mean like your sexual partner, wife, girlfriend, fiance, boyfriend, husband, cousin (If you're into that kinda thing, but I would not encourage such a thing.) Anyway, First you want to make sure that they consent of the sexual activities, you don't want a lawsuit or jail time on your hands because all you wanted to do was practice an innocent poker face that will earn you substantial amounts of money in the near future. Next, when they're in the mood and want to make the passionate dance that I like to call the hibbity dibbity, Now is your chance. (Ladies this is probably easier, since it is almost second nature, for you....sigh) While you are in the heat of the moment, make the most boring face on the planet and stare into space. So while you're partner is going to town, hooting and hollering, sweating and about to throw out their back, when they look down at you and see your face, if it makes them ask, "Whats wrong, does it not feel good?" or they just get pissed off and get up then chances are You have accomplished your goal and now have a Perfect Poker Face to bring to the tables.

Now after reading this you are probably thinking to yourself, This is GENIUS or what a loser....either way You will be thinking about trying it, but to answer your question, No I have never done this and this is clearly for comical purposes..........or is it?!?

Always remember to work on that Poker Face and watch-out for the soul readers.

Good Luck,
Matt Stroud