Dedication to Madilynn Noel Stroud: The Beach

I remember the only time I was able to bring you to the beach. We were at Pensacola, FL visiting your mom's Grandparents in October. You weren't a year old yet. I was sitting in the sand with you in my lap. You were cautious at first, feeling around, taking everything in for the first time.  You would grab handfuls of sand and squish and dig. Occasionally putting your hand to your mouth to taste it before I quickly put your hand back down saying, "No silly"


I wanted to bring you to Destin, Florida with Pawpaw, Nanny, Cody and some more family like your Aunt Joy and Cousin Caleb. I wanted you to experience the beautiful beach I know you would have loved it. I asked your mother just after your second birthday to make sure I gave advance notice so I can chase you up and down the beach and watch you play while the waves would come crashing at your little feet. I can hear the pitter-patter of you running. Even Imagining the laughter as you run away for me to catch you brings a smile to my face. We would have built our first sand castle together, and probably destroyed it right after. I wish we could have experienced this together, I know you would have had a blast.

We didn't get to go to many places together, but I was hoping I could have brought you to many places as you got older. I did get to bring you to the Zoo and the Park often as well as a few other places. You loved to just look around and appreciate everything that surrounded us. I know 95% of women, for some odd reason, love to travel. Adventurous as you were, I know you would have wanted to see as many places as possible. By the way, your Paw Paw Stroud wanted to bring you camping. As much as you liked playing in the backyard and collecting acorns and sticks, I know you were gonna LOVE camping.

We usually went in the backyard for a little while, then when it was time to come inside you were still so full of energy. You would climb on my back and make me walk on all fours like a dinosaur. Then you would say "No! Yous a Lion!!!" I would reply, "OK baby, I'm a Lion, ROOARR" You would just laugh and giggle as I went in circles on the carpet. Then I'd get tired and crash to the ground. You would get up giggling, climb on my chest, then say "I jump on you" and start bouncing away. You were always my little ball of energy before you suddenly get tired and watch cartoons with your bottle in hand and fall asleep. We had such a great time playing together and I looked forward to every second of it. I am so grateful to have you in my heart. Just wish I can go back in time and relive it over and over again.

I miss our cuddle time so much

Love you my lil butt.

Dedication to Madilynn Noel Stroud - watching cartoons with daddy

We would watch your shows when I was trying to wind you down to sleep or if we were just waking up and relaxing. I would put you sitting on the couch and after I turn on the TV and Netflix. All I had to do was ask, "what do you wanna watch baby?" You would tell me one of the following...

"George" - You loved Curious George and we would watch this most often. No matter how many times you saw the episode, you still laughed hysterically at the same parts and get so excited at the same times.

"Lion Cub" - I think this was both of our favorite Disney movies and I had no problems putting this on for you and singing every song out loud to you. You would always look at me smiling, sometimes joining in and singing along. Other times, saying "NOOOOO, stop it Daddy!!" Not going to lie, my singing voice wasn't the greatest.

"Super Why" You would focus so much on this show and I loved that you participated everytime they asked. You wouldn't always give the right answers, but I thought it was cute that you would try to use your "Power to help" and would congratulate you with "Good Job Baby" or "That's Right!" and you would just laugh and keep watching.

"Dora" The Explorer - I never seen you watch this personally, but everytime you came back from MiMI's, you would always say "swiper, Noooooo swiping Swiper" and we would repeat it until you changed the subject to something else silly filled in your little head.

"Tiger"  Daniel Tiger
"Callou"  Caillou, you could almost say it perfectly, such a smart little girl.

"Mickey" - You loved minnie mouse, PawPaw Stroud got you a Minnie Mouse toy you could dress her and drive her in the car, you played with that and many other toys all the time.

"Clifford" - I recently introduced you to the Big Red Dog and finally had a new show for you to obsess over. I'm sorry but George broke to many things and got away with it. Hate to say it but so did Clifford, maybe that's why you could destroy my house I just cleaned in less than five minutes. I didn't mind cleaning it though because it made you happy, and gave me happiness knowing that.

"Barney" - This phase only lasted a little while, Thankfully you discovered George soon after.

"Big Bird" - You didn't watch it much, but loved watching Sesame Street

Dinosaur Train - You would say "I'm a monster, ROOOOAAAARRR!"

You had so many more shows you loved to watch, but when you got bored, you would go get all your colors and a coloring book and bring it into the living room. You would say "Come sit with me Daddy. Color with me!" as you dumped out all the colors and opened up the pages to your book. Handing em different crayons, you would say, "here daddy, you use 'dis one" lying on your little tummy, legs crossed, feet in the air, not a care in the world. It's exactly what I wanted your life to be. Care free. I was trying to do everything in my power to keep it that way. I wish you would still be with me. I miss you every single day.

Dedication to Madilynn Noel Stroud - Holidays

First Easter. 1 month old.

She kept passing up all the eggs.

Grabbing the "Biggerest Egg" winning!

Dying eggs

They were almost inseperable

I was only able to experience one Easter with you. but got alot of great pictures, and stories from your second one. OK well I take that back, Your first Easter you were newborn and had no idea what was going on, but your second Easter where you were one, I remember you kept trying to drink the Easter egg dye, it was all over your face and clothes. You pretty much dyed your hand bluish green from dipping it so many times. We tried to do the Easter egg hunt but you just walked around aimlessly, then randomly started walking away as fast as possible down the sidewalk. It's like you were on a mission but I had no idea where you were going. You kept giggling as you'd run away faster and faster, it was so funny. I had to go to San Antonio for work for your third Easter when you were two, but I'm so happy MiMi and your Nanny Charlotte and Kylie got to spend it with you. Y'all got to dye eggs, do the Easter egg one. Both you and Cody ran out the gate so excited to grab the eggs! I wish I could have been there in person to see it. I'm so happy you had a great day


I remember how often your mom would try to take you for all the holidays when we separated. I offered to switch days but didn't wanna lose my time with you for special holidays, especially Halloween and Christmas. We both wanted to see you trick or treat and get all the candy from the neighborhood. We both had our own ideas for Halloween costumes when you were two. At least we were able to bring you trick or treating with Cody for your first Halloween. You were still too young for the candy, but I know you had a good time. Once we were done walking around trick or treating we would go inside, dump all your candy in front of you, and you would just touch every single one. I remember you would try to stick each one in your mouth one at a time and we would have to say "No not yet baby", when actually the first Halloween you were trick or treating to get Daddy some candy ;) You were a CareBear (LionHeart) and Cody was Scooby Doo.



For your second Halloween I bought you a Lady Bug Halloween costume, we walked around at the pumpkin patch in Lafayette and you had the silliest blank stare the whole time. I guess you were just taking everything in, but you had a great time and were eating all your suckers. I didn't really get to trick or treat with you much since your mother had you that day, and when I let her have you on Halloween she refused to switch with me so I could have you a day in return. I got off work and had your costume in my truck. Drove to your moms where you were and we changed you, then I went walk around her neighborhood a couple times and let you run around on your own and picked you up when you got tired. There were alot of kids all over the place, alot of people aww'd at you like they always did everytime we went somewhere. I kept the candy and brought it home so you can snack on a piece or two (We actually shared the candy this time sweety haha)

This was during the stupid lawyer battles and I hated going through all that crap, I just wanted us to compromise and be able to give you a happy life. I'm so happy you weren't aware of what was going on. I did my best to be a duck on top the water without you seeing how hard I was swimming underneath the water to keep us afloat and happy. I wanted to sacrifice my whole life for you. The struggle I was going through was out of my control. I was learning patience, but I wasn't going to just give up and lose you, I wanted just as much time with you as your mom did. I wanted to make sure you had everything you needed to be happy.

Christmas was also interesting, we always had to figure out how we would manage bringing you to see all of your Grandparents and Great Grandparents and this usually consisted of a week long extravaganza. Christmas Eve was either at your Mi Mi's with Nanny Charlotte and Cody, Kylie, and Pops Turner, or In Houma with your Grammy and Pop DeHart. Christmas Day we usually visited PawPaw Stroud and that goofy family. Santa scared you the first time you sat in Santa Stroud's lap, but the second time both You and Cody sat with Santa Stroud and you weren't that scared. you were searching for Gold the whole time with your finger up your nose, I kept moving your hand away but you kept putting it right back to the same spot haha. There would be SO MANY gifts showered  upon you from both sides because everyone loved you so much. You would color or play on the pool table with Cody and we went sit in your cousin Jake's boat. You got to see your cousin Lucy, Jaycee, Dyani, Jacki, Cody, Landon, and Tyler. You all got a chance to talk to Santa and take pictures with him. After the day was over and I had to bring the truckloads of gifts back home, you would want me to open up each new toy, play with it for about 40 minutes then bring me the next one to open up. Eventually you had a room FULL of toys. Everyone wanted to see you happy and playful. I got you plenty of coloring books so you wouldn't color all over the walls and random papers that you would find all the time. It was a very hard time during Christmas, but I did what I could to get you stuff I knew you would like. I just wish I could have gotten you more. I know its not what matters and I am so happy I got to spend the time with you, I just hate that I couldn't get you more. The holidays will be hard, but you will never be too far from my mind and heart baby. I just want to experience so much more with you.

Dedication to Madilynn Noel Stroud - Birthdays

Holidays and Birthdays were always a struggle for me and your mom. We both loved you so much and wanted to experience those special moments with you up to every minute. Your first birthday was held at my house. I invited alot of our family and friends and got to watch you smash your first cake. It was a Minnie Mouse theme. There were chips n dip, chili dogs, and the smash cake as you sat in front of it wondering why we were all watching you. First, you dipped your left hand on the icing then shoved it into your mouth. Aunt Moni (My godmother) was trying to feed it as you moved your head away and continued to feed yourself. Aunt Joy quietly stole pieces of the cake eating along with you. Your Nanny Charlotte started cheering you on to "Get it" as Cody was asking for cake in the background. As your squishing your hand and looking around, Paw Paw Stroud chimes in "You sure smile alot" and of course, that silly little smile shines out from your face. Aunt Moni sneaks by and puts your right hand in the cake and everyone says "Yaaaaaaaaaaaay" and you look up laughing again. You made a huge mess everywhere and while we were cleaning you off, Your silly Aunt Joy was eating the scraps from the smashed cake saying "Oh my God, this is so good Matt!"  You had such a wonderful day, but I can't recall you ever having a bad day. You were always so happy.

Your second birthday was held at Kart Ranch. I personally made yellow hats with cups and plates and put the party favors inside the cups. I made Curious George the theme because we watched that silly cartoon almost every night. You had many different shows you loved but we will get to that later.  When I was searching for your cake, I had to get a Winnie the Pooh cake, but make it Curious George instead.  Your smile was so big when yous aw it and the whole day Cody was right by your side. Opening gifts, eating cake and pizza, and playing in the play area.  I remember you kept dipping your sucker in the sprite then tasting it as Mee Mee directed traffic and handed out pizza for everyone.  You would go in and out of every play area, even for the big kids, you would try to climb all by yourself. If you got stuck, you would say, "Daddy help me" but not to get down because you were scared, but only to go higher. I think the Ball pit with the little slide was your favorite as you would slide down then the balls would just engulf your little body and you'd laugh out loud, squirming to climb out and do it all over again.  Pops Turner wanted to bring you in the Go Karts but I wasn't ready for you to be in there just yet. I think you wouldn't have minded either way. I was so happy to give you such a special day. You played every ounce of energy out of your sweet little body, and when it was time to go home, you were already falling asleep in my arms as i put you in the truck.  You would always play that hard and it gave me a chance to watch you sleep peacefully. I hated waking you up and loved the way you would wake up naturally. You would never wake up crying, just shuffling around or playing with the dolls in your crib, then calling out "Daddy!" repeatedly until I walked into the room to get you. When I got there, You'd always say "Hi Daddy!" with a delightful smile. The greatest start of my day every time because it felt like you were so surprised to see me each time.

sitting right next to your partner in crime

Daddy's attempt in making your party perfect for you!

 

The look of success!

Satisfaction in the form of exhaustion

I wish I could have given you so many more new adventures for so many more birthdays. It's frustrating that this is real life.

Dedication to Madilynn Noel Stroud - Raising a bundle of joy.

5-14-2014, two days away from the last time seeing you in person.

After long days at work, I would fix your supper, bathe you, watch you have so much fun. I hated waking you up so early to go to work, but I made many sacrifices for you. It was comforting knowing you would go right back to sleep. (That was the main reason I pushed for a 7 on 7 off schedule; to let you rest and awake when ready, but I hated to be forced to bring you to daycare and away from me. I waited to go pick you up again.)

Getting frozen yogurt, You loved it.

Anyway, I got off track. After the nightly routine was done and we got our play time out of the way, you would pat the sofa and say, "Come sit daddy!" and ask me to put on George or Lion King.  I was more than happy to, as you laid right next to me and let me hold you 'til you so often fell asleep. So easy to cuddle with, so much love to give. The funny thing is, it's like you knew that is what I needed. Even though you shared so much love, you still saved most of it for me because you needed it just as much as I did. I used to whisper "I love you sweety," as I would pick you up to bring you to your crib. Kissing your forehead and rubbing your back, I still remember the first time you whispered back, "I love you too daddy." I froze in disbelief. You were so young I couldn't believe you understood what that meant, much less how to share those words with someone else. My heart melted instantly as I honored that experience with you. I just wish I could experience so much more from you, I don't want you to go...

I never passed up the chance to have you in my arms. I treasured the times we shared together, I never wanted to lose that and was willing to risk it all for you. I loved letting you wake up on your own. Hearing you call out for me as you waited for me to get you. I would fix your breakfast, change your diaper, and put on morning cartoons. Even changing your diapers didn't seem that bad as you learned the routine, eventually telling me to change your booooty. ( you made my life so easy) or making it a game by rolling away or always moving and constantly laughing. I couldn't get mad and couldn't help but laugh myself. Because your silly smile and laughter always lit me up with happiness.

First day back from San Antonio and having her in my arms!

I would cook for you if I wasn't too tired. You learned how to use a fork or spoon so fast (You were so independent, so brave, so entertaining.  You were supposed to be something great. I just know it, and now you're just a memory...and I hate that.) I would bring you to get donut holes, as I would get 3 jalapeno cheese kolaches every Sunday that I had you. It was one of our little traditions. (That I still find myself doing). You would get all sticky eating them and couldn't wait. Everytime you finished one, you would reach your tiny hand to me and say "Nudder One" and I would reply "OK baby, here you go." Grabbing it, you would sweetly reply "Thank You" as you munched down another. Never a picky eater. You were my little garbage disposal haha.

Feeding herself like a big girl

I will write about your birthday parties and Christmas real soon baby. I Love and Miss You so much. Hope your having fun playing while you're smiling down at me.