Dedication to Madilynn Noel Stroud - Birthdays

Holidays and Birthdays were always a struggle for me and your mom. We both loved you so much and wanted to experience those special moments with you up to every minute. Your first birthday was held at my house. I invited alot of our family and friends and got to watch you smash your first cake. It was a Minnie Mouse theme. There were chips n dip, chili dogs, and the smash cake as you sat in front of it wondering why we were all watching you. First, you dipped your left hand on the icing then shoved it into your mouth. Aunt Moni (My godmother) was trying to feed it as you moved your head away and continued to feed yourself. Aunt Joy quietly stole pieces of the cake eating along with you. Your Nanny Charlotte started cheering you on to "Get it" as Cody was asking for cake in the background. As your squishing your hand and looking around, Paw Paw Stroud chimes in "You sure smile alot" and of course, that silly little smile shines out from your face. Aunt Moni sneaks by and puts your right hand in the cake and everyone says "Yaaaaaaaaaaaay" and you look up laughing again. You made a huge mess everywhere and while we were cleaning you off, Your silly Aunt Joy was eating the scraps from the smashed cake saying "Oh my God, this is so good Matt!"  You had such a wonderful day, but I can't recall you ever having a bad day. You were always so happy.

Your second birthday was held at Kart Ranch. I personally made yellow hats with cups and plates and put the party favors inside the cups. I made Curious George the theme because we watched that silly cartoon almost every night. You had many different shows you loved but we will get to that later.  When I was searching for your cake, I had to get a Winnie the Pooh cake, but make it Curious George instead.  Your smile was so big when yous aw it and the whole day Cody was right by your side. Opening gifts, eating cake and pizza, and playing in the play area.  I remember you kept dipping your sucker in the sprite then tasting it as Mee Mee directed traffic and handed out pizza for everyone.  You would go in and out of every play area, even for the big kids, you would try to climb all by yourself. If you got stuck, you would say, "Daddy help me" but not to get down because you were scared, but only to go higher. I think the Ball pit with the little slide was your favorite as you would slide down then the balls would just engulf your little body and you'd laugh out loud, squirming to climb out and do it all over again.  Pops Turner wanted to bring you in the Go Karts but I wasn't ready for you to be in there just yet. I think you wouldn't have minded either way. I was so happy to give you such a special day. You played every ounce of energy out of your sweet little body, and when it was time to go home, you were already falling asleep in my arms as i put you in the truck.  You would always play that hard and it gave me a chance to watch you sleep peacefully. I hated waking you up and loved the way you would wake up naturally. You would never wake up crying, just shuffling around or playing with the dolls in your crib, then calling out "Daddy!" repeatedly until I walked into the room to get you. When I got there, You'd always say "Hi Daddy!" with a delightful smile. The greatest start of my day every time because it felt like you were so surprised to see me each time.

sitting right next to your partner in crime

Daddy's attempt in making your party perfect for you!

 

The look of success!

Satisfaction in the form of exhaustion

I wish I could have given you so many more new adventures for so many more birthdays. It's frustrating that this is real life.

Dedication to Madilynn Noel Stroud - Raising a bundle of joy.

5-14-2014, two days away from the last time seeing you in person.

After long days at work, I would fix your supper, bathe you, watch you have so much fun. I hated waking you up so early to go to work, but I made many sacrifices for you. It was comforting knowing you would go right back to sleep. (That was the main reason I pushed for a 7 on 7 off schedule; to let you rest and awake when ready, but I hated to be forced to bring you to daycare and away from me. I waited to go pick you up again.)

Getting frozen yogurt, You loved it.

Anyway, I got off track. After the nightly routine was done and we got our play time out of the way, you would pat the sofa and say, "Come sit daddy!" and ask me to put on George or Lion King.  I was more than happy to, as you laid right next to me and let me hold you 'til you so often fell asleep. So easy to cuddle with, so much love to give. The funny thing is, it's like you knew that is what I needed. Even though you shared so much love, you still saved most of it for me because you needed it just as much as I did. I used to whisper "I love you sweety," as I would pick you up to bring you to your crib. Kissing your forehead and rubbing your back, I still remember the first time you whispered back, "I love you too daddy." I froze in disbelief. You were so young I couldn't believe you understood what that meant, much less how to share those words with someone else. My heart melted instantly as I honored that experience with you. I just wish I could experience so much more from you, I don't want you to go...

I never passed up the chance to have you in my arms. I treasured the times we shared together, I never wanted to lose that and was willing to risk it all for you. I loved letting you wake up on your own. Hearing you call out for me as you waited for me to get you. I would fix your breakfast, change your diaper, and put on morning cartoons. Even changing your diapers didn't seem that bad as you learned the routine, eventually telling me to change your booooty. ( you made my life so easy) or making it a game by rolling away or always moving and constantly laughing. I couldn't get mad and couldn't help but laugh myself. Because your silly smile and laughter always lit me up with happiness.

First day back from San Antonio and having her in my arms!

I would cook for you if I wasn't too tired. You learned how to use a fork or spoon so fast (You were so independent, so brave, so entertaining.  You were supposed to be something great. I just know it, and now you're just a memory...and I hate that.) I would bring you to get donut holes, as I would get 3 jalapeno cheese kolaches every Sunday that I had you. It was one of our little traditions. (That I still find myself doing). You would get all sticky eating them and couldn't wait. Everytime you finished one, you would reach your tiny hand to me and say "Nudder One" and I would reply "OK baby, here you go." Grabbing it, you would sweetly reply "Thank You" as you munched down another. Never a picky eater. You were my little garbage disposal haha.

Feeding herself like a big girl

I will write about your birthday parties and Christmas real soon baby. I Love and Miss You so much. Hope your having fun playing while you're smiling down at me.

Dedication to Madilynn Noel Stroud - Early adventures

I wanted to let you experience so many things, but one of our favorite places to go was the park. You loved walking around, and making me an exhausted daddy. You would take a nap on the ride to Girard Park, once we got out the truck you were on the go non stop and I was chasing you down and holding your hand while you climb over the steps or tree stumps near the pond. Some times I would bring our old bread and hand pieces to you to throw to the ducks. The first time you ever went to the park with me, I remember how you would grab the pieces of bread from me and continuously just kept eating them. I kept laughing and saying, "No baby thats for the duckies" You would simply respond.... "Duckies??" Eventually, you would become a skilled walker/runner. The ducks definitely didn't appreciate your new talent as they would often run for their life until you got them to jump into the pond a safe distance from you. Duck after duck, you would run at them screaming and laughing. I think you loved seeing the wings spread and flap in the air but your goofy laughter always brought a smile to my face. I just watched, made sure you didn't get too close and didn't fall in, then would just shake my head at your sillyness. When you started learning to say sentences, you would always tell all the animals at the park that you love them.

14 months in this pic at Girard Park

"I love you duckies"
"I love you skwerwell"
"Daddy, a puppy!!, I love you puppy!"
"AAAH a bug!......I love you bug"
You never failed to spread your love to everything you saw.

 I would load the wagon in back of my truck, and when I did that, you knew where we were going and would just wait by the front door as I finished getting the rest of our stuff, Water, snacks, etc.You loved when I pulled you in the wagon, then when you would see a puppy or ducks, you would want to get out the wagon and waddle your lil butt as fast as possible to them. So silly, smiling and laughing away, and looking back to make sure I'm watching. When you got tired, I'd pick you up and when you didn't wanna get down, you'd always cling to my hip like a baby monkey. You were never afraid to hug new people everywhere we'd go. I loved that about you and felt so grateful to have such a loving inspiration in my life. We went to Avery Island together one time as well and you saw the alligators or like you said "AGILATORS" and loved running in the open fields. You had that blank stare face when you would take in your surroundings and new experiences as if you were in awe by what you were seeing. It was a beautiful day and I'm glad I was with you to experience it.

napping on car rides like usual.

I enjoyed being your own translator, as I understood your own little language. You made it so easy to take care of you, rarely crying or throwing a tantrum, telling me you were hungry "lunch" "bite" "snack" or thirsty "juice" "Baboo/Bottle" "milk". But I love how the first word you spoke was "Daddy" and you took your first six steps to me at about 10 months. I was sitting at the kitchen table. You awkwardly stood up and stumbled your way towards me, one step at a time!! I was so excited, delighted, and it made your mommy so jealous, but she has experienced firsts of her own with you.

We had a special bond, you and me. I will always cherish that and never live that down.

days after this pic was taken, she would start walking

March 16, I think I will make that Random Compliment day. and Go up to atleast 10 people I don't know. and randomly give them a compliment in honor of you Madi. I think this is the best way I can continue to spread the love you have for EVERYTHING that was alive. That is what made you so beautiful little girl.

Dedication to Madilynn Noel Stroud - A little water bug

Daddy's Ninja Mask

          So many friends and relatives couldn't wait to meet you. I was so gentle, I didn't want to break you. Every time I held you, I couldn't stop looking into your eyes, your little lips, button nose, I loved and thanked God for everything about you. Couldn't wait to share you with the world. Because you were my world. 
         
           You cracked me up when I held you, and you would blow bubbles in my arms, or I make you laugh doing the silliest things. Your smiles and laugh were so contagious. Anyone near you would quickly smile with glee. I tried my hardest to avoid changing your poopy diapers. The very first time, I heaved like a sick cat, trying to finish as fast as possible so I could actually Breath again. Every time after that it would get easier, but I used my "Ninja Mask" and put my shirt over my face. At least in my mind it help me fight your powerful diaper duty aroma.

         

               If there was anything you loved to do, it would be to play in water. Ever since you were just a day old and we bathed you in the kitchen near the sink. I was nervous for two reasons.
1., I didn't want to hurt you.
2., I was expecting you to poop in the sink because of the warmth of the water.
(I am proud to say that you have never pooped in the bathtub, good job sweety haha)
You used to kick and splash all over the tub, constantly. Smile and laugh while you do it. You were

not afraid of the water at all. sometimes you would even lay backwards and almost let the water touch the tip of your nose before you came back up. You were a brave, goofy, but brave little girl. When at Meemee's you would always run outside to the dogs water bowl, it didn't matter if you had fresh new clothes on, a bathing suit, or nothing at all. As soon as your Meemee would turn around, you would run as fast as you can, giggling your lil butt off, and get soakin' wet all over again. When your cousin Cody would be there to play with you, every time y'all would go sit in Meemee's big tub and take a bubble bath together (one picture we forgot to capture :/ ) Each having your own cup and pouring the water over your heads. It was so great seeing y'all play like brother and sister. I would let you play with all of your toys in the tub on regular nights, we would spell the alphabet, you would play with Mr. Frog as he spit out water at you, and if you felt like I wasn't playing with you enough, You would either say PLAY WITH ME DADDY! or start pouring water out of the tub and mischievously laughing. When it was time to go to bed, I'd have your pajamas, diaper, and wipes waiting in the living room. You would always fight to run off and make me play chase with your towel flapping like a cap as its hooded over your head. I had so much fun laughing with you, even on the most exhausting days, I saved enough energy so that we could play.

trying to catch the bubbles while in our deluxe pool

Lovin' her some bath time

                  

Laughing and screaming as I say "Im gonna getcha, Im almost there!!"

First and Only time Madi got to experience the beach. The water was too cold but we let it hit her feet. She loved the way the sand felt, squishing it in her toes and fingers, rubbing it, then obviously trying to put handfuls in her mouth to taste it. Daddy wasn't having that. I wanted to bring her to Destin, FL this summer so she could actually run around and play with her Cousins Cody and Lucy.

               I loved spending as much time as possible, playing, dressing, feeding, bathing, singing, reading, coloring. Anything you wanted or needed, you were my number one. Your mom and I were both very protective, creating some unnecessary conflict, but we both wanted the best for our girl, and both tried to do what we thought was right. For the most part we didn't want you to see, the pain that was ripping your parents apart. I promise you little girl, I wanted everything in my power to give you the best life possible. I was trying to do that and had so much prepared for you. But you left me before I could make that a reality.

Dedication to Madilynn Noel Stroud - We Fought to meet you

5-12-14 The Morning after the longest day of my life.

         Madilynn, I want to hold you, sing to you, rock you to sleep, watch cartoons while we cuddle, I miss all of our time together and so afraid to say goodbye. I don't want to see you go and just want to be there for you forever. But before goodbye was even a forced possibility, the anticipation to say hello for the first time is still fresh in my mind.

From the first day I saw you in your momma's belly, and the first sound of that swisha swoosha swisha of your sweet little heart beat of the first ultrasound, tears filled my eyes and a smile would not leave my face. I fell deeply in love, instantly, and couldn't wait to share the news about you. It was so exciting to see and hear for the very first time. I can still hear it distinctively from this day. It wasn't much longer that we learned that you were gonna be a little girl.

Nurse: Her legs are so close together I could barely tell
Me: And She better keep them that way too!
[Nurse and your mommy burst into laughter, protective daddy already begins]

         There were some slight scares throughout the pregnancy, mostly with "spotting" and a lot of bed rest. I was constantly trying to take care of the house, do yard work outside, cook when I could, lift all the heavy things, constantly remind your mom to go sit down or lay down so the swelling wouldn't get too bad so I could actually meet and hold you in person. I was so scared that I was gonna lose you.  This started 4-5 months into the pregnancy, some days were very frustrating and just felt like I was just being taken advantage of. I tried to just ignore it and was determined to meet you.

          I remember we had to go to some class at the hospital to prepare for your birth. They played some nasty graphic video of  childbirth. I'm sorry but there is nothing "Beautiful" of what takes place and I refused to actually see you coming out. Yes it is an experience, but that is one sight I didn't want to see ;).  A couple weeks later, we were celebrating our anniversary and went to Paragon Casino. I remembered how bored I was for my bachelor party the first time me and my close friends went and how we actually had a better time at the cabins we were staying at. (I never really was big on partying anyway, all that stuff is over rated baby, you didn't miss much) Your mom heard that her clients always had a good time there and she knew I liked casinos, she was also still on bed rest and couldn't do many things without having to be cautious about swelling and her blood pressure spiking. We had to be extra careful to be sure you would come to us as healthy as possible. It's like I said, from day one, we fought to make your happiness a reality.

         By the end of the weekend, your mother's swelling got worse. We drove back home, I was a nervous wreck that whole night and went into work the next morning while your mom went see her doctor and got the news that we needed to prepare for your arrival. This was about a week or two early from the expected due date. Your mom called me and gave me the news. I started pacing all over the room back and forth and finding ways to be busy, trying to keep everything on the outside together, while on the inside I was trying to figure out when I should ask to leave. Will you be OK? I hope you are healthy. What will you look like? I can't wait to meet you! My boss and co-workers could see the frantic excitement I was carrying inside me, and my boss gave me permission to leave early so I could be with your mom as she went to her room to get prepared for your arrival.

As I arrived at the hospital, I was stuck counting down the minutes, kind of like I am now, but instead of waiting to say goodbye, I couldn't wait to say hello. As the hours went by and the lack of sleep continued to grow. I watched your mom in pain, as you stubbornly but slowly began to make your way into the world. I didn't want a big crowd in the room as we waited for your arrival. I Stepped out of the room for the epidural and things went a lot faster after that. The contractions became stronger, and everything we watched in the video was basically happening one step at a time. I slept maybe one hour that night but the adrenaline had me wide awake. Finally the nurse checked her levels and went get the doctor, when the doctor came in, she said it's time to start pushing! This was so exciting to me, the only way i knew how to coach was from sports, so I did the best I could.

Feet just like her daddy

Me: Push, Push, Push, Push.....now breath
[I said this over and over.]
Doctor: You're doing great Jenny don't stop
Me: You can scream if you need to when you push
Your mommy: starts screaming as she pushes
Doctor: Yea please don't...
Me: laughing quietly to  myself then saying "Push Push Push, now breath"

As if we were in a weight room and I am spotting her as she is doing bench presses. The atmosphere seemed fitting. I made the mistake of saying "Now Relax." as you were almost with us, Annoyed and in pain, your mom looks at me and says, "RELAX?!?!?" I busted out laughing this time as my awkwardness made its way out of my lips and when I looked at the Doctor, even she cracked a smile, probably thinking "What a goober". After a quick snip to give more room, You came flying out and the doctor catches you. As you made your way Into this world, and the nurse cleared your lungs, I heard the most beautiful yell, ringing out for the whole hallway to hear. It was like a little pterodactyl scream and I couldn't have been happier fighting back my tears of joy. Nose flaring, lip quivering, I was the first to hold you and look into your beautiful innocent eyes. Something I will never forget. As I look down at you, tears start to roll down my cheek. You look back at me wondering who I was. The nurse laid you on the cleaning table and I held your little hand and put an oxygen mask to your face to help you breath. I was a bit nervous, but they said you were OK, healthy, and the happiness was just beginning for you.

Love at first sight!